Short Story: Domestic Goddess

      A Domestic Goddess I aren’t and never will be. Learned quick on it don’t pay. Don’t earn no wages. Don’t earn no respect. Don’t fetch no security. And sure not a dern thing sexy about it.
      Now don’t git me wrong. I like a clean house over a dirty one any day. But if that means I gotta quit readin’ my good Readers Digest novels or meetin’ friends fer lunch ‘cause I should ought to be washin’ winders or scrubbin’ floors or just pickin’ up after the ol’ man…well, I’m content enough with the dirt.     
     Shouldn’t ought be that way, but it is.
     I mean, picture me this: some 15 year old pecker head panting in a girl’s ear, "Come on… just a little feel. Really turns me on when I think what a spic and span house you keep for yer Pappa."
     Or can you see a fellow thinkin’, "I’d divorce that skank in a minute if she didn’t keep such a tidy house."
     Or how ‘bout a husband turnin’ down a cheap piece on the side ‘cause he’s thinkin, "I’m not a gonna do it ‘cause I got the best little housekeeper a man could want just awaitin’ back home."
      Now suppose a couple’s sittin’ with their lawyers in front of the judge and the judge a sayin’, " Yep, Little Wifey, you done kept up his house so fine these last 30 years I’m gonna award you 75% of all his income fer now on ‘till forever as payment fer all yer hard work and ‘cause now he’s gonna have to do it all fer hisself cause he don’t have the money to pay it done no more. That’ll teach him what a fine deal he done cheated hisself out of!"
       I’m not kiddin’ no way ! Just think about it. Even insurance companies prove it all the time. If a wife gits kilt. They don’t award the husband the amount she’s worth for all the scrubbin’, washin’ and pickin’ up she does ever day. Hell no ! But they sure do award him a chunk for ‘punitive damages’ for all his pain and sufferin’. They might as well call it ‘pokeless damages’ cause what they,re really sayin’ is with her dead he don’t got nothing left to poke! Now if that ain’t puttin the value where it really is I don’t know what is!
      So all this thinkin’ ‘bout the value of bein’ a domestic Goddess made it real clear to me that I’m gonna take my household and grocery allowance and head off to Victoria’s Secret. Then when folks come over and tsk-tsk the condition of my house and wonder why my husband puts up with it, you can bet the secret will stay safe with me.